When was the last time someone said or did something kind for or to you?

[AsleepInYorkshire]

I'm working freelance. Yesterday I received two emails in reply to an email I'd sent. And both those replies made me stop and think. Because they were kind. And that back-footed me.

I try to be kind but in reality like most I am surviving in a very fast paced environment. I believe it's called a competition.

Am I being cynical or is kindness dying off?

Apart from your immediate family, those closest to you, when was the last time someone said or did something kind for or to you?

AiY

[Lootman]

My rule of thumb about this is fairly simple:

If someone is nice to me then they could be lying to try and gain favour.

If someone is being unpleasant to me then it is guaranteed to be genuine.

Honest malice is more reliable than pandering condescension.

[bungeejumper]

Honest malice is more reliable than pandering condescension.

Ooof, that winded me like an elbow in the solar plexus. But thanks anyway, you've made me appreciate how lucky I am to live in a quietish rural community where those sorts of sentiments are the very antithesis of what it takes to get along and live well.

Maybe it's relevant for me to say that my wife and I are newly retired - or maybe it's just that, when the wind's howling and the snow's drifting and you're locked in with your neighbours, that's a bad time to have insulted, rejected or shafted somebody because it seemed like an "honest" thing to do at the time.

The last time somebody did something particularly nice was last weekend, when a neighbour gave me three tonnes of walling stone for my garden. I shall probably help him fix his shed, but he won't think anything amiss of me if I don't. I know he'll help out if I need a bit of muscle, or a pint of milk, and I'll help him the next time his cows get loose. I don't think I ever want to live in a city again.

BJ

[redsturgeon]

My rule of thumb about this is fairly simple:

If someone is nice to me then they could be lying to try and gain favour.

If someone is being unpleasant to me then it is guaranteed to be genuine.

Honest malice is more reliable than pandering condescension.

Wow that's bleak.

John

[AleisterCrowley]

I've had little social interaction recently due to lockdown but do see my neighbours occasionally
I let my neighbours (upstairs and next door) park on my drive as I don't own a car and we only have one parking space per address (both sets of neighbours are couples)
We return each other's bins to the bin shed after collection - depends on who gets to them first
Upstairs print out forms/docs for me occasionally as I don't have a printer (normally done at work..)
We accept parcels for each other, rather than the couriers leaving them outside
Plenty of other stuff too: we all have each others contact numbers
Nothing major, but it's the oil that keeps the machine of modern life running smoothly

[baldchap]

Man in the car park this morning gave me 10p for the pay and display.
Quick Karma?, as I gave a ticket with an hour left to someone yesterday.

Sometimes it is the little things.

[6Tricia]

I posted a composter I wanted to get rid of on Freecycle recently. Within an hour a lady had phoned and come to collect it. Two days later I received a very pretty thank you card from her saying how grateful she was and thanking me profusely for my generosity! Made my day!

Tricia

[stevensfo]

I've had little social interaction recently due to lockdown but do see my neighbours occasionally
I let my neighbours (upstairs and next door) park on my drive as I don't own a car and we only have one parking space per address (both sets of neighbours are couples)
We return each other's bins to the bin shed after collection - depends on who gets to them first
Upstairs print out forms/docs for me occasionally as I don't have a printer (normally done at work..)
We accept parcels for each other, rather than the couriers leaving them outside
Plenty of other stuff too: we all have each others contact numbers
Nothing major, but it's the oil that keeps the machine of modern life running smoothly

That sounds identical to where my mum lives. The neighbour is always doing her wheelie bins for her and they accept parcels for others. She recently spent ages helping him to contact his wife in hospital (advanced dementia) because he didn't realise that the recorded messages were 'recorded' and the person wasn't replying to him etc. The only disadvantage to her altruistic nature is that quite a few elderly people who don't drive tend to use her as a taxi service!

I grew up in a rather sheltered environment and was always very trusting of others. A succession of bad experiences when I grew up changed me a lot and I acquired a very cynical and suspicious mind. Nevertheless, I make it a rule to always be extremely polite to those around me and as helpful as possible. This approach has got me out of a few sticky and potentially expensive situations with the traffic police around europe, made for a great atmosphere with work colleagues and means we are surrounded by kind neighbours. There was a time when emails from people in our Finance dept would have me tearing my hair out with frustration. I started being politer, thanking them profusely for when they did things well and making jokes. The situation rapidly improved and they became far more willing to help! I'm a firm believer in what goes around, comes around.

Steve

[redsturgeon]

You reap what you sow.

John

[feder1]

I heard an anecdote a long time ago about the positive cumulative effect that a tiny gesture of good will can have during the day. How it lightens peoples, mood.

Conversely, imagine you upset a fragile early morning motorist who then sets in motion a day of disaster for himself maybe or others further along the path during that day.

Was it a monologue?

[AsleepInYorkshire]

You reap what you sow.

John

I think you do, because at the very least you feel bloody good about yourself when you're kind to others. Which is a cynical comment I know and I'm aware that kindness does seem to reciprocate more often than not.

It's win-win.

AiY

[GrahamPlatt]

It's said that simply being nice costs nothing. Going further and doing something for others that has a cost to yourself, which may or may not be repaid at some point, has been developed into a theory (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reciprocal_altruism) which proposes that such acts may increase the viability of a species. I imagine it to be working in humans principally via sharing of knowledge, rather than the hoarding of same. Ubuntu. And long live TLF!