Positivity, Negatavity, Reality

[AsleepInYorkshire]

Once upon a time, many decades ago, I was a young, perhaps naïve, Quantity Surveyor. As often used to happen one quiet afternoon the office door flew open opened quietly. One of the companies Contracts Managers charged in walked passively into the room.

He'd returned from one of the companies building sites in Scarborough. He'd fired all the groundworkers, bricklayers and joiners on the spot and closed the site down. He'd agreed with our Managing Director that the business would hire as many mini buses as necessary and travel the Doncaster tradesmen to Scarborough to maintain the site programme and quality.

Since that time I have been involved with two more sites in Scarborough. Each time the same problem occurred. The attitude of the local trades[wo]men was appalling and both costs and programme were constantly running over.

Five years ago I carried out some work for a high end architecturally designed new home builder in Hull. And I met that "attitude" again. It wears you out.

Mr. won't & can't were constantly in town. The negativity was overwhelming. Not normal moans and groans but way past that. The East Coast from the river Humber to Whitby is a negative place to build. It doesn't always seem restricted to the building trade neither.

My Mum died 11 months ago. She was a negative personality. Very difficult to cope with.

I feel I'm a positive sort. I also feel I'm realistic about most things and when my positivity starts to suppress what I know to be reality I check myself.

I've started to remove myself from the company of "negativity". I don't want to persuade it to reconsider anymore. It's not my job. If someone wants to be negative that's their call.

Am I alone in this stance?

AiY(D)

[servodude]

I've started to remove myself from the company of "negativity". I don't want to persuade it to reconsider anymore. It's not my job. If someone wants to be negative that's their call

One of the things that servodude's known for among the folk he's worked with is he has this recurring tendency to point out that if folk spent the energy they spend on finding reasons not to do the work.... on actually doing the work... the work would be done.
Works for him.
And it means he really only gets "invited" to meetings where that's what's needed...
Not sure if that makes him positive, negative, realistic, miserable or awkward... and mostly he's too busy to worry about it

Hope you're getting some proper sleep D
- ignoring those that make your day worse should help

-sd

[Itsallaguess]

I've started to remove myself from the company of "negativity". I don't want to persuade it to reconsider anymore. It's not my job. If someone wants to be negative that's their call.

Am I alone in this stance?

Not at all.

I've recently started to use the 'Foe' box on this site for the very same reason, and it's really quite startling how much jarring negativity is removed at a stroke from a really quite small user-list.

There's a risk that you still get to see their constantly negative posts in any nested replies from other users, but I must consider myself to be lucky in that the very small number of posters who's persistent negativity really grates seem to receive such a low amount of feedback from the wider community in relation to the large number of posts that they make, that the number of times that actually happens is thankfully really small, and it makes me think that for people like me that now use the 'Foe' box facility, then perhaps we're all putting the same users in our lists, as that would perhaps help to explain that very welcome phenomenon...

Cheers,

Itsallaguess

[servodude]

I've started to remove myself from the company of "negativity". I don't want to persuade it to reconsider anymore. It's not my job. If someone wants to be negative that's their call.

Am I alone in this stance?

Not at all.

I've recently started to use the 'Foe' box on this site for the very same reason, and it's really quite startling how much jarring negativity is removed at a stroke from a really quite small user-list.

There's a risk that you still get to see their constantly negative posts in any nested replies from other users, but I must consider myself to be lucky in that the very small number of posters who's persistent negativity really grates seem to receive such a low amount of feedback from the wider community in relation to the large number of posts that they make, that the number of times that actually happens is thankfully really small, and it makes me think that for people like me that now use the 'Foe' box facility, then perhaps we're all putting the same users in our lists, as that would perhaps help to explain that very welcome phenomenon...

Cheers,

Itsallaguess

Did you ever read "the city and the city" by China Mieville?
It could end up like that

(If you haven't you're in for a treat if you do)

[redsturgeon]

...if you can meet with triumph and disaster
and treat those two imposters just the same...

I try to remind myself of those wise words when some bad/good happens.

John

[Itsallaguess]

Did you ever read "the city and the city" by China Mieville?

It could end up like that

Heh - I can see where you're going with that, and there's clearly some stark parallels, but I've got to say that certainly for me, it's nothing to do with two cities, but just a couple of citizens, and I can tell you that I've actually got one from each 'city' on my list...

And it's never the message that ever grates - it's always the delivery that does it...

Cheers,

Itsallaguess

[Dod101]

...if you can meet with triumph and disaster
and treat those two imposters just the same...

I try to remind myself of those wise words when some bad/good happens.

John

I was given Kipling's 'If' by my mother when I was a young lad. Some see it as corney but like you I have always remembered it.

If all those negative people had tried to work in Hong Kong in the '70s and '80s they would not have lasted a week. The only way to survive then (I do not know what it is like nowadays) was get on with it and today at that. Tomorrow could well be too late as there was always someone else..........

Dod

[XFool]

Thought for the Day

Remember: One person's "realism" is another person's "negativity" and vice versa.

And that's before we even come to "positivity" or "reality"!

[Mike4]

And it's never the message that ever grates - it's always the delivery that does it...

Yes I've met quite a few relentlessly 'upbeat and positive' types over the years, and they can be just as gratingly difficult to tolerate as the relentlessly negative. (Or did you mean something entirely different?)

Or perhaps that just me being negative.

[XFool]

And it's never the message that ever grates - it's always the delivery that does it...

Yes I've met quite a few relentlessly 'upbeat and positive' types over the years, and they can be just as gratingly difficult to tolerate as the relentlessly negative. (Or did you mean something entirely different?)

Or perhaps that just me being negative.

I suspect, you may be missing more than one thing here. But what do I know?

[AsleepInYorkshire]

And it's never the message that ever grates - it's always the delivery that does it...

Yes I've met quite a few relentlessly 'upbeat and positive' types over the years, and they can be just as gratingly difficult to tolerate as the relentlessly negative. (Or did you mean something entirely different?)

Or perhaps that just me being negative.

Hi Mike,

I hope you're well. I was watching a documentary about Elon Musk last week. He doesn't cope well with negativity in the people he employs. Indeed those who aren't signed up to being constantly upbeat and positive are shown the door instantly. I'm not being disagreeable or trying to say you're opinion isn't worthy. Just making conversation.

My mother-in-law is a perfect example of negativity at, what I would call, the corrosive level. She purchased an oak sideboard and like many everything she buys there was no planning, measuring or "bigger picture" thinking. It was just too big for her lounge. We had a chat with her and she agreed it had to go. She told me to take it to the tip. I refused and suggested Gumtree. She was adamant I was wasting my time. I got £200 for it. Now for me someone paying £200 to take rubbish away is a win every day of the week.

We've had this discussion now with her shed, stove & flue, block pavers, mobility scooter, television and lamp standards. And, every time, the negativity about no one will buy it and I'm wasting my time, was, to be honest relentless. I raised over £1,500 for her. I've also managed to get a man to come and take her old [rather crap] conservatory down and take it way for nothing. He recycles the plastic.

I can take this argument one step further too. When the father-in-law went into hospital for over a year, last year, I spoke to her about their finances and suggested they get an interest only mortgage. And, yup, you've guessed it, she told me they couldn't get one. I arranged a mortgage for them which released £27K capital and they don't have to pay monthly payments on their mortgage, saving them over £300 per month. I've also arranged a grant towards their building works as the father-in-law needs a downstairs wet room and other disability stuff.

Throughout the process I've constantly been told that there would be gotcha's and it was all too good to be true. There are none.

I don't have to help them. And I often have to remove myself from the negative environment they seem to thrive in. But I know it takes a lot of strain off my good lady and that's all that counts for me.

AiY(D)

[servodude]

I don't have to help them. And I often have to remove myself from the negative environment they seem to thrive in.

I though you Yorkshire men invented misery poker:
"I'll see your trip t'mill and raise you havin' no shoes"

But yeah - the only way to win is to not play in the first place

[Itsallaguess]

I don't have to help them. And I often have to remove myself from the negative environment they seem to thrive in.

But yeah - the only way to win is to not play in the first place

A mate used to work with a right emanator of gloom and misery, and his approach was to simply outlast him until he went away naturally.

And in the end, he did.

Cheers,

Itsallaguess

[terminal7]

This is actually why we need the Ministry of Levelling Ooop with the Mad Gover ('Have I gone Mad?').

BTW is Blyth near Scarborough?

T7

[doolally]

BTW is Blyth near Scarborough?

T7

In the same way that London is near Cardiff
doolally

[terminal7]

BTW is Blyth near Scarborough?

T7

In the same way that London is near Cardiff
doolally

But London is in the SE and Cardiff is in Wales - surely Blyth and Scarborough are in the NE?

T7

[XFool]

In the same way that London is near Cardiff

But London is in the SE and Cardiff is in Wales - surely Blyth and Scarborough are in the NE?

Stop being so negative.

[doolally]

In the same way that London is near Cardiff
doolally

But London is in the SE and Cardiff is in Wales - surely Blyth and Scarborough are in the NE?

T7

OK, maybe Bristol instead of Cardiff
London-Bristol is around 110 miles, like Blyth-Scarborough
doolally

[terminal7]

But London is in the SE and Cardiff is in Wales - surely Blyth and Scarborough are in the NE?

T7

OK, maybe Bristol instead of Cardiff
London-Bristol is around 110 miles, like Blyth-Scarborough
doolally

. . . but Bristol in in the SW.

T7

[Lootman]

I've started to remove myself from the company of "negativity". I don't want to persuade it to reconsider anymore. It's not my job. If someone wants to be negative that's their call.

That aim becomes a lot easier when you stop working. It is places of work that seem to cause a lot of negativity, either from customers, fellow workers or bosses.

I have a similar distinction and that is between people who energise me and people who drain my energy. There are some people who seem to steal my life force when in my presence. The solution of course is to remove my presence, because you can't change other people.