A milestone.

[redsturgeon]

I think I passed one last night.

Had a lovely dinner with my daughter and her boyfriend, soon to be husband, outdoors in central London in a great family run old school Italian.

At the end of the meal we asked for the bill and I was preparing to pay as usual. My daughter got up to visit the loo and when she returned she announced that she had settled to bill and we could leave.

Very warm feeling to know that you have brought up your children to give as well as receive.

John

[Dod101]

I think I passed one last night.

Had a lovely dinner with my daughter and her boyfriend, soon to be husband, outdoors in central London in a great family run old school Italian.

At the end of the meal we asked for the bill and I was preparing to pay as usual. My daughter got up to visit the loo and when she returned she announced that she had settled to bill and we could leave.

Very warm feeling to know that you have brought up your children to give as well as receive.

John

Very good. Yes that is a nice feeling when it happens. I wish that my son and family (now almost middle aged) would get the message!

Dod

[servodude]

I think I passed one last night.

Had a lovely dinner with my daughter and her boyfriend, soon to be husband, outdoors in central London in a great family run old school Italian.

At the end of the meal we asked for the bill and I was preparing to pay as usual. My daughter got up to visit the loo and when she returned she announced that she had settled to bill and we could leave.

Very warm feeling to know that you have brought up your children to give as well as receive.

John

Very good. Yes that is a nice feeling when it happens. I wish that my son and family (now almost middle aged) would get the message!

Dod

It's a competition in our family to try and get it in first; or at least before my mum. She's been known to instruct the staff to ignore us - before we've ordered!
The look on her face if you can settle things without her realising is just brilliant

[Clariman]

That's lovely. You've done a good job there.

[Nimrod103]

I think I passed one last night.

Had a lovely dinner with my daughter and her boyfriend, soon to be husband, outdoors in central London in a great family run old school Italian.

At the end of the meal we asked for the bill and I was preparing to pay as usual. My daughter got up to visit the loo and when she returned she announced that she had settled to bill and we could leave.

Very warm feeling to know that you have brought up your children to give as well as receive.

John

How do they square that with the widespread belief among the young that they are hard done by, and are now being asked to bankroll the retired generation via the Triple Lock, paying for unaffordable final salary pensions, and vastly overpriced houses? Why are they now taking pity on you?

[servodude]

I think I passed one last night.

Had a lovely dinner with my daughter and her boyfriend, soon to be husband, outdoors in central London in a great family run old school Italian.

At the end of the meal we asked for the bill and I was preparing to pay as usual. My daughter got up to visit the loo and when she returned she announced that she had settled to bill and we could leave.

Very warm feeling to know that you have brought up your children to give as well as receive.

John

How do they square that with the widespread belief among the young that they are hard done by, and are now being asked to bankroll the retired generation via the Triple Lock, paying for unaffordable final salary pensions, and vastly overpriced houses? Why are they now taking pity on you?

Not everyone raises bitter miserable kids
I know that might not be everyone's experience but trust me it's possible

[Dod101]

I think I passed one last night.

Had a lovely dinner with my daughter and her boyfriend, soon to be husband, outdoors in central London in a great family run old school Italian.

At the end of the meal we asked for the bill and I was preparing to pay as usual. My daughter got up to visit the loo and when she returned she announced that she had settled to bill and we could leave.

Very warm feeling to know that you have brought up your children to give as well as receive.

John

How do they square that with the widespread belief among the young that they are hard done by, and are now being asked to bankroll the retired generation via the Triple Lock, paying for unaffordable final salary pensions, and vastly overpriced houses? Why are they now taking pity on you?

I hope that these comments are tongue in cheek or an attempt at irony. Neither of my kids (or grandchildren, because they are mostly adult by now) display any of these attributes and never have. I think, a bit like the bulk of the population, judging by the reaction to the death of the Queen, most young people are compassionate, helpful and pleasant. Nimrod does himself no favours by these comments if he is serious.

Dod

[UncleEbenezer]

It's a competition in our family to try and get it in first; or at least before my mum. She's been known to instruct the staff to ignore us - before we've ordered!
The look on her face if you can settle things without her realising is just brilliant

We used to have that with my dad - though more recently we've educated him to alternate who pays with us.

One occasion[1] I got round that when he was visiting by booking into a new but nice restaurant that didn't take cards (it does now, of course), so he couldn't pay. Knowing the score, I was prepared.

Rounds in the pub in certain company are a similar issue, though no family involved there.

[1] between 2005 and 2013, based on where I was living at the time.

[Gersemi]

We used to have that with my dad - though more recently we've educated him to alternate who pays with us.

Yes, we've managed to get to that point with my FIL - I think the turning point was when we retired - we really couldn't be in need of help if we could afford to retire early!

[bungeejumper]

My wife and I figured we'd done a fair job when we realised that both our daughters were earning more than the two of us combined. (Both of them in self-employed professions, and both contracting to large corporations.)

Funny, though, they still cadge a short-term loan when they need something expensive (and without delay). We're happy to oblige, because their credit's good. And anyway, we know where to send the boys round if they default.

BJ

[Dod101]

My wife and I figured we'd done a fair job when we realised that both our daughters were earning more than the two of us combined. (Both of them in self-employed professions, and both contracting to large corporations.)

Funny, though, they still cadge a short-term loan when they need something expensive (and without delay). We're happy to oblige, because their credit's good. And anyway, we know where to send the boys round if they default.

BJ

Ah now don't spoil a good story!

Dod

[Nimrod103]

How do they square that with the widespread belief among the young that they are hard done by, and are now being asked to bankroll the retired generation via the Triple Lock, paying for unaffordable final salary pensions, and vastly overpriced houses? Why are they now taking pity on you?

I hope that these comments are tongue in cheek or an attempt at irony. Neither of my kids (or grandchildren, because they are mostly adult by now) display any of these attributes and never have. I think, a bit like the bulk of the population, judging by the reaction to the death of the Queen, most young people are compassionate, helpful and pleasant. Nimrod does himself no favours by these comments if he is serious.

Dod

I often write about issues which I think are ironic. And this one of them.
Individually my children are very happy to pay for the lunches, childcare etc, though when we go out in a large family group they understanderbly are happy to let us pay the bill. However, on social media you do come accross a strong collective view among many of the 30-40 year olds that the currently retired generation have had things much easier in financial terms than they are experiencing. To a certain extent I agree with that view, and if asked I would always say 'put away your wallet, either you get the money now, or the taxman gets it when I die'. Meals are comparatively cheap, but other expenses are not. A case in point is nursery fees for grandchildren, which are very high even with a government subsidy. So we pay them, and in return my children always generously remember my birthday, which is more than some other people do.

[servodude]

I hope that these comments are tongue in cheek or an attempt at irony. Neither of my kids (or grandchildren, because they are mostly adult by now) display any of these attributes and never have. I think, a bit like the bulk of the population, judging by the reaction to the death of the Queen, most young people are compassionate, helpful and pleasant. Nimrod does himself no favours by these comments if he is serious.

Dod

I often write about issues which I think are ironic. And this one of them.
Individually my children are very happy to pay for the lunches, childcare etc, though when we go out in a large family group they understanderbly are happy to let us pay the bill. However, on social media you do come accross a strong collective view among many of the 30-40 year olds that the currently retired generation have had things much easier in financial terms than they are experiencing. To a certain extent I agree with that view, and if asked I would always say 'put away your wallet, either you get the money now, or the taxman gets it when I die'. Meals are comparatively cheap, but other expenses are not. A case in point is nursery fees for grandchildren, which are very high even with a government subsidy. So we pay them, and in return my children always generously remember my birthday, which is more than some other people do.

<Daily Mail Mode>
Gosh! How will they ever learn to stand on their own if others are paying their childcare!? Didn't they think about THAT before they had offspring. Shouldn't the mum be at home anyway!? Kids these days!
</Daily Mail Mode>

But honestly, well done for helping out, it must make a huge difference to them.
I used to get childcare vouchers through salary sacrifice when living in Edinburgh and every little helps at that stage.
...and you'll probably be due a few good meals from the grandkids once they're taking you to the pub

-sd

[Nimrod103]

I often write about issues which I think are ironic. And this one of them.
Individually my children are very happy to pay for the lunches, childcare etc, though when we go out in a large family group they understanderbly are happy to let us pay the bill. However, on social media you do come accross a strong collective view among many of the 30-40 year olds that the currently retired generation have had things much easier in financial terms than they are experiencing. To a certain extent I agree with that view, and if asked I would always say 'put away your wallet, either you get the money now, or the taxman gets it when I die'. Meals are comparatively cheap, but other expenses are not. A case in point is nursery fees for grandchildren, which are very high even with a government subsidy. So we pay them, and in return my children always generously remember my birthday, which is more than some other people do.

<Daily Mail Mode>
Gosh! How will they ever learn to stand on their own if others are paying their childcare!? Didn't they think about THAT before they had offspring. Shouldn't the mum be at home anyway!? Kids these days!
</Daily Mail Mode>

But honestly, well done for helping out, it must make a huge difference to them.
I used to get childcare vouchers through salary sacrifice when living in Edinburgh and every little helps at that stage.
...and you'll probably be due a few good meals from the grandkids once they're taking you to the pub

-sd

As my children don't allow us to forget, several years of their upbringing were spent as expats in 3rd World countries where childcare help was abundant. They show more care and fortitude than I ever remember showing when I was their age. But all young babies/children are different, and one never knows what unexpected problems will arise. And they have coped very well. I doubt I will live long enough for my granchildren to take me to the pub, but if not for the financial help we can give, maybe there wouldn't be grandchildren - a sobering thought. Which is rather the point - to me all money is family money, and will eventiually go to them anyway, barring what the taxman takes. It is the principle reason I do not agree with IHT.

[Lootman]

I think I passed one last night.

Had a lovely dinner with my daughter and her boyfriend, soon to be husband, outdoors in central London in a great family run old school Italian.

At the end of the meal we asked for the bill and I was preparing to pay as usual. My daughter got up to visit the loo and when she returned she announced that she had settled to bill and we could leave.

Very warm feeling to know that you have brought up your children to give as well as receive.

Yes, I think every parent fondly remembers the first time their child pays the bill. Not that the money matters but rather the sense that they appreciated what you did for them and the sacrifices you made. It represents the end of dependency.

In our case, one of our kids is doing very well (100K a year in the City) so I would certainly expect him to pay his own way when we get together. The other works in hospitality and so earns only half of that, and I still pay for meals by default. But he sometimes stumps up, evidently recognising that I appreciate the gesture.

Having helped them both buy their first home, which wasn't cheap, I like to think that the bulk of the financial support is now over. But you never know for sure of course.

[AsleepInYorkshire]

I think I passed one last night.

Had a lovely dinner with my daughter and her boyfriend, soon to be husband, outdoors in central London in a great family run old school Italian.

At the end of the meal we asked for the bill and I was preparing to pay as usual. My daughter got up to visit the loo and when she returned she announced that she had settled to bill and we could leave.

Very warm feeling to know that you have brought up your children to give as well as receive.

John

She's preparing the way John . Large request coming your way My badness.

Yes I get this totally. My 15 year old daughter took me for a meal at a local restaurant for my 60th birthday. She took her friend and she went halves to pay for the meal with Mum. When you see that kind of generosity you know all's well.

AiY(D)

[pje16]

She's preparing the way John . Large request coming your way My badness.
AiY(D)

You old cynic

PS a nice anecdote John, you have brought her up well.

[AsleepInYorkshire]

She's preparing the way John . Large request coming your way My badness.
AiY(D)

You old cynic

PS a nice anecdote John, you have brought her up well.

Less of the old please

Take care

AiY(D)
PS ... my daughter has just brought me an very strong coffee made with almond milk ... I'm bracing myself

[pje16]

Less of the old please
Take care

AiY(D)

Of course
it should be young I think, as I may have couple of years on you

[AsleepInYorkshire]

Less of the old please
Take care

AiY(D)

Of course
it should be young I think, as I may have couple of years on you

Linking this thread to the recent passing of Queen Elizabeth I think John's comments are refreshing and a reminder to us all (well at least me) of how precious moments in our life are.

Slightly off-topic, but last year my Mum died and my father in law has been in and out of hospital for over two years now. My good lady is waiting for a back operation next month and I am on new medication. My good lady and myself now refer to us as "the sandwich generation". Raising our own children, dealing with our own health issues and supporting parents.

I don't expect anything from others. Never have, never will. But when someone does something to "say thank you" it does warm the heart and it's almost impossible not to tell everyone how good it makes you feel to be appreciated.

AiY(D)